Dear Friend

It has been a long time and I suck at writing…let alone writing letters, lol. Although, this year has taken a toll on me for better, worse, and in between. I have seen more than my share of failures, successes, plus the occasional panic attack and thinking I was going to die. Yet only at a young age I find myself thinking as if I was a cat with 7 lives left.

Live Long an Prosper

They say we only see life for what it is worth after it is flashing between our eyes. I think, I have seen this several times. I count the blessings I have, I count the friendships, and everything that is positive. Although, I take medications that keep me sedated so I don’t feel all the stimulation that surrounds me. I feel too much anyways, I could imagine feeling more sometimes, then I do and all I can do is sit there because it is overwhelming. A blanket of emotions, rushing the mind…so strong that it just a waterfall of feelings over me. I know this is not the way it should be but this is the way it is for me and this suits me. I have come to terms with it. I have seen the other side of the coin, and it is not a pretty picture. Staying up for days, paranoid, on edge, uneasy, and on bouncing off the walls.

Thoughts

Cheers To Those

I must say though, to those who have found serenity. In the form they have found it, bless them. I for one will never know this. For every small step, is just a step. Peace to some is something special, or finding there way is something amazing. I know many, who find their so called calling. Something special, something they were meant for. Something they are amazing at, or something they are practically built for. Cheers to those I must say. For this is not a story like that for me.

Finding Happiness

Everyone sees happiness as something different. Some it is a family, some it is money and being well off, others it is a content life, some a happy job, and others a mix of these and others. We all have to go and like so many other things appeal to our souls in a search, what do we truly need to be happy. Without this the karma, balance, or what you believe in will be off. I am searching for mine as we speak. It is not easy, I have:

• written lists
• pros and cons lists
• gone on a fast quest
• gone on a dream quest
• mediation sessions

Gloom some To Overcome

_Note: if you feel suicidal or you might harm yourself or someone else, please seek professional help and call 911. This is not medical advice, and is in no way a substitute for medical attention when needed.

1. we feel depressed
2. we do not want to do anything
3. fun things become boring or dull.
4. friends are last on the mind and isolation seems nicer.
5. just wanna sleep.
6. time change
7. missing a med dosage

But the big thing is to get into a habit of doing this everyday, even when we do not feel like it. Sometimes we get gloomy from like right now seasonal Affective disorder, maybe the time change, depression from something weighing on us, missing a medication dosage, or other reasons.

Getting Out of the Rut

To get out of the rut, I started walking and listening to positive Podcasts. The walk in the sun gave me vitamin D, while the podcasts were uplifting and positive. They consists of coding podcasts, or Tony Robbins podcasts. I read on multiple sheets in mental health buildings, on sites, and in tweets it is beneficial to start your day with something uplifting. Whether that is music, pilates, yoga, podcasts, or something else it helps to start the day fresh with something positive to keep the day positive. Now there are going to be days we do not want too but on the same nerve, once we do them we things usually feel a little better.

Senses Tingling

So there I was meditating and my senses kicked up, I brightened up with what was surrounding me. I could sense something was wrong, and I started focusing on all the past clues, things out of the ordinary. I flashed back on all that went on and I could sense things out of the ordinary. Things just did not line up, people were telling stories and they were clashing severely, things just felt robotic.

Things that Brighten my Mood

So one of some of the things I have been trying to do are:

• keep up with my Nomadic Journal
• follow Nomadic
• focus on tasks
• listen to a podcast a day
• walk once a day
• keep natural sunlight in
• de-plug from the computer and internet for a few days.
• work on something that is about learning something new.

Transforming Info

Tony is very inspirational and gives insightful thoughts on the things going in business, but I feel you can transform that to your regular lives. Take advice for a business and especially in this day and age conform it to our daily lives. Especially since we are now more than ever selling our selves more than anything when acquiring positions in companies or Free Lance. Listening to these podcasts give inspiring talks, advice, and ways to structure things. Some inspirational talks are on how to figure out certain plans in coding, advice on hiring process, etc.. etc… While Tony brings out some of the top people in the industries and how they went from beginning to where they are. Also, some are about business, others tech, whatever is big at the moment really and how you might use it.

Also, ‘LearnToCodewithme’ from Laurence Bradford also very interesting podcast with lots of guests and thoughts of how to enter the field. Ways others got into the field, and how it is to be in the field. It is uplifting to hear there stories how they started. There are other podcasts I listen too but not quite as often. Now while I do this I am usually take my morning walk while listening to get my morning walk pumped up by the podcast. Checking off on the list anything and everything is a upbeat positive feeling.

Tasks

I try even though it is hard for me to follow my nomadic journal on timing. A lot of things come up and distract me, or I go over time, but I am working on it. side note:

I also enjoy ‘Trello’, ‘YouTrack’ from jet brains, and microsoft version TFS FREE up to 5 people, and ASANA which is free up to 5 people(5 or 10 i can not remember). But these all have kanban’s for you to use for projects, lists, organization, lists to do. and use ASANA and youtrack for digital records.

I have take time out of sunday or monday to write out a plan for the week. Something to plan out the week to the best of my ability. It is a win when I follow the schedule to the biggest amount possible. Trying to keep things working in my favor, as I complete a task I check it off or slide it on my task board online.

mental health is discussed below if you feel uncomfortable reading about mental health just warning.
if you are interested in learning more about mental health and the issues that go with it continue.

Tacking The Breadcrumbs

Following the breadcrumbs, I had to look back hard. Thinking about what odd things happened. After a while of retracing my steps, writing down things I did, and checking everything. I figured out I missed a days worth of medication. I had the flu for a week so during this period I think is when I missed it. So coming to attention things started to click. Things were kinda hazy due to being ill, but also, I remembered wanting to be alone, I acted differently from normal, not doing the things I normally do. not eating very much, and missing at least one dose of meds would cause the drop in mood, wanting to do anything i enjoy, and trying to isolate myself. I felt empty, lost, and confused about where my place in the world, the planet, the ant like spec of the globe I live in.

Fighting Back

So I got my sister over and we rearranged my room, picking up, purging junk, removing old programming books. washing all my sheets, cleaning up the double glass desk with windex, finally sorting my space into sections. It felt wonderful cleaning the space out of all the garbage of papers, junk, everything that was in the way. We cleaned up my book shelf of all the old JavaScript books, PHP books that use MYSQL_i, also, some old Java books. Next we had to get rid of a ton of paperwork, junk that was of no use to me no more. Plus, using the cubbies, and space boxes for what they were made for. using them for what they were for helped and also is keen on organization for searching. Another point we put up a cork board for important papers and etc papers. With this cleaner look, I feel most open, less shut in, and more space to use for my projects.

Walking, 8:00am I try to go for my walk. Listening to a podcast from Tony Robinson, or a programmer podcast. As I return I check my Nomadic Journal for what the day is planning or the goal plan for the day. I usually get a water or coffee, and dive into the 9:00am planning. Feeling more ready and inspired due to the podcast, and the walk in the sun with some Vitamin D. It just helps pump up the day to prepare for learning something new, working on a pre-existing program, or working in freecodecamp. This is the prep course for the day, to get the brain muscles working, and get the thought process going.

Pushing When Tough

Some days are harder than others, some I am up at 6am, some 7:30am, sometimes 9am, and once in a while 10:30am EST. Sometimes it is due to staying up late and working on programs, lessons, planning projects for the future, or other pseudocode. But other nights I will go to sleep around 9:30pm - 11pm (EST) and I still get up late. Now even though I got up late, those nights, and i dont feel so well about that. I still try to go for the walk with my podcast. Just to keep as much routine as possible going. Also, to keep feeling the win of doing something in a row. Sometimes I do not want too, sometimes I just want to lay in bed, sometimes I will for a bit. But I will push to get up and walk some even just a block, and listen to a podcast on the walk, in the house which ever but as long as it completes. Sometimes we feel the small things do not count But when we break it down to it. Everything is just a tiny effect and they ripple, and they cause larger and larger outcomes. So just doing sometime small never forget, it does effect more than you know.

Sign Off

I figured out my situation, and what was breaking my habits that was destroying my routine. That was messing with my mental health, and bringing me down and changing my mood. So in a brief suggestion from me. Make sure you follow routines, they can help you keep with a solid mood by looking forward to what your going to be doing that day. Mental health wise, make sure if you take medications, do not skip your dosages things can go haywire doing this. Also, things can go out of control very fast when things are not balanced like they should be. Healthy Living possibly taking a walk, exercise through a gym, a positive podcast similar to mine from Tony Robbins.

All the best to everyone, Michael Williams